It’s amazing that it’s Monday again!
I hope that you all had a wonderful Halloween and an amazing Thanksgiving.
I didn’t get to post showing the pumpkin that my parents made for Halloween, so keep reading, you’ll see it here!
Yes, my parents.
As some of you know I have health issues and have been staying with my parents.
I create art in order to help create awareness each day in my studio.
Being an entrepreneur is very hard but it’s 100% worth it to let others know that they can too and not to give up.
My health issues are not the only reason for my staying with my parents.
I also feel absolutely no need to explain myself, epilepsy is a part of who I am and I will not hide it.
Even if it is possible for me to not speak of it today.
That is hiding a part of who I am and I simply will not do that.
I also don’t go to support groups, etc. anymore though and want everyone who knows me to know that.
Although it helps to a point, support groups also help me to dwell on my health issues. I am much more than epilepsy though, as anyone is more than their health.
That is why I simply do not go to support groups anymore.
To live my life, I need to think of the things I can do, not dwell on the things I can’t do.
I am much more than any of the issues that I stand up for!
I very rarely have seizures now, and actually take care of my parents a lot today.
Anyone who knew me even partially in high school had to have known of my condition.
It was so bad at that time that I was put in the learning disability wing, because I interrupted classes to often having seizures.
I went to the ER so much they already knew my name when I came and a lot of people go to the ER!
I thank those who helped me, nomatter where it was.
I’ve blacked out a lot of that time, due to pain but those who stood by me during that time honestly are in my heart forever!
I was watching tv. with my parents the other day and the thought came to me that I didn’t even think I’d last this long. I honestly thought that I would be dead by now.
Community Theatre actually took my mind off of the pain I endured in high school.
I was a lot like Harry Potter waiting for Hogwarts to take him back. I was waiting for the next musical to help me escape into my imagination and there I was usually treated what I thought of as normally.
I wouldn’t suggest a 15yr old going to clubs with drinks, etc. but theatre did indeed save my life.
Some in theatre actually tried to protect me from the night life and the messages in musicals, etc. pulled at my heart strings giving me reasons to go on.
At first I sat in a chair, absolutely hating being there. After time went by I grew to love it though!
That being said, if you knew me and say that it was not obvious of the pain I went through, it will be obvious to me and those who kept me alive that you either suffer from losing your memory or you’re lying.
I wish this for everyone who suffers, myself included.
What happened years ago is indeed in the past, but as any abuse victim knows it will be a part of me forever.
What was done to me was done before there were cops in schools. Yet a few times, others witnessed my being abused. I cannot help but wonder why they did not speak up? I hope that today, kids know better and understand what is right and what is absolutely wrong.
I was on a medication for my epilepsy that made me lose weight and due to that some thought I was attractive, while others called me carrot legs. Kids can be rather cruel.
Some would grab me between my legs while I was walking to class. The person doing it knew my brother though, so it was not believed when spoken about.
One day while in class, the kid behind me grabbed my arms and held them behind my back while whispering a bunch of sexual things in my ear. The whole class looked on watching and laughing as I was being sexually abused, and the teacher just slept through it all.
That was not the only abuse that I went through at that time. That was then and this is now though. Still, I am amazed that more stories of abuse can be tied to high school, yet only a couple can by tied to theatre.
I will write the fact that I would stand up to those who harmed others too by saying “Go ahead and hit me. I’ll just have a seizure and sue you.”
I wouldn’t suggest that to those in school today, but I am proud of the younger me for standing up to help others when there were not cops to protect us.
May I find the strength to forgive each and everyone of my abusers.
Moving on, I have to admit that taking care of my parents is only possible when I am not in my studio, as I work when my health does not bother me. This helps me to cope.
Having a place to stay when my health acts up though and knowing that if I am found on the floor 911 can be called is a plus but due to Cannabis Oil that is very rare!
Anyway, here is the pumpkin!
I did create the collage of this, but Les Taylor carved the pumpkin and helped with most of the decorations.
If interested in my creating a personalized collage for you contact: firstname.lastname@example.org
Only contact if you’re serious!
I actually was looking through my past works and found this article from my very first exhibition!
It to me was a stepping stone and a huge reminder of my ability as a artist.
I have many issues in my life, but none define who I am as a person or my art.
This exhibition was not long after getting out of my wheelchair! I had much more help at the time though.
Creating reminds me that I am not sure what tomorrow will bring. If we are all honest, nobody is sure of that. I am sure that I have pushed back the pain and worked for years doing what I love though.
I am sure that I haven’t been paid for most of it, but I have gained the experience that many are paid for. If others are paid for their experience, why am I considered unworthy of being paid for mine?
If I had a good paying job, I could buy my freedom.
I could afford to live away from this place of abuse and pain. I will one day to because I have earned it.
This is a reminder that I am not less. That I can, you can, we can!
That I am more than my disabilities, that I am more than my sexuality, etc. That my abusers will not win, because I will not give into the pain that they created! I also won’t give in to the pain my conditions created.
I’ve grown up watching as everyone else could do what I couldn’t, and I can choose to dwell on that.
I am not going to say that along with the abuse my high school days gave was easy. I am not going to say that my not being able to audition for certain roles, etc. didn’t hurt. It did!
I’m thankful for some of my past though. It made me who I am today and for that I couldn’t be more grateful. I’m also hugely thankful for all of those who I have run into along the way.
I am one to believe that everything happens for a reason. I truly believe that I was meant to run into each soul that I have, locally and internationally. Those I have met and those I haven’t met face to face.
I can dwell on the negative things in my life, or I can have the guts to continue creating. I can continue believing that my story can inspire others to go on. That it can let others know not to give up, and that they aren’t alone. I can try for me, to let others know that they can too, to show those who thought I couldn’t just what I can do, and to be a reminder of how much a blessing life is.
I can realise that even without my being able to audition for certain things, having a history of abuse, etc. there are many in this world who aren’t blessed enough to even have the chances I have had!
I can let my abusers win, and be in pain forever.
I can stay strong, move on and show the world what I’m made of.
I still have bad days, we all do.
I choose to let others know that they can too and show the world what I’m made of though!
The memories of some people, inspiring words from others, and knowing that I’m saving lives just by continuing to inspire others with my story are what keep me going.
So to each of you who were not silent, thank you for being a part of my life.
The rest, I forgive you because hating you only steals my peace. My peace is the one thing that belongs to me and me alone. I give noone the power to take that away from me.
Last but not least I wanted to post a piece that I made.
2.5″ X 3.5″ and on recycled board as well!
Not every memory is captured on film, but don’t forget it, leaving it to blow away.
We can still hold those memories and words of wisdom in our hearts.